chasing the sun

the continuing search for the unattainable

8:10 AM

props

Posted by jenn |

This entry is dedicated to some very special folks who have made these past few weeks pretty darn special...

Props to the following (in no particular order):

...to my secret encourager who has been sending me little pick-me-up postcards in the mail, letting me know that I am loved

...to the staff and faculty of my undergraduate school who have been e-mailing like crazy to congratulate me on getting my Master's degree

...to Patty Griffin, who has a musical soul and the courage to play what she wants (ie Smokey Robinson) instead of what the drunk fans are desperate for

...to my friend Mary for inviting me, a Patty Griffin novice, to come to the concert and for buying my ticket!!! You're so generous (hehehe)!

...to my friend Allan who never complains about having to drive all the way out to Humboldt Park to pick me up


...to e-bay's half.com for having a copy of the book I wanted for $5 and a brand-new Lord of the Rings: Two Towers extended edition for only $13 - BANK!!!

...to my neice who is 1 and a half - she has successfully learned my name and spoken it to me on the phone several times, pure bliss

...to Edie who works for Rabbi Sternfield at the Chicago Sinai Congregation synagogue and went out of her way to be kind to me and set up a last minute interview with the Rabbi so I can get my assignment done on time

...to my good friend Robin who delivered breakfast to my desk this morning

...to US News and World Report for reigniting my desire to go to law school

...to my professor who gave me a B+ for a book report that was 2 months late

...to my friend Befra who calls me just to chat and still loves me even though I usually have to hang up too soon

...to the girl who made my coffe this morning at our school coffee shop, 3 shots of espresso and 50 cents less than Starbucks

...to Joe Stowell, former president of Moody Bible Institute for donating a room full of his old books to the students to pick and choose from - it was kind of a madhouse, but I came away with some treasures

...to my friend Beth Smith, who is patient with me and very diligent about writing encouraging comments on my blog...always

...to my boss who lets me do my homework at work and even helps me with it
...to my roommate for not judging me for the disastrous state my room has been in lately, or for the mess I've made of our coffee table, or the fact that I used all of her cough drops, cough syrup, and Nyquil and all the Kleenex [this makes me sound like such a slob]


...and finally, to the IRS who is giving me a lot more money back than I paid in because I am a poor, single, independent, female college student!!!


To all of you, thanks for making this week of my cold/flu/typhoid-like disease bearable, even downright pleasant. You are a joy!

2:50 PM

on the horizon

Posted by jenn |

I have been home sick for four days straight. My head is stuffy, my nose is runny and I’m coughing like a 90 year old chain smoker. Good news is I’m feeling better. Bad news is I have two mega sized papers to write before next Thursday. Ah, well. Soon I will have a bona fide Master’s Degree and a one-way ticket to anywhere but here.

Being stuck at home with nothing to do but homework has given me a lot of time to think about life and relationships. I think it’s about time I set some actual goals for myself and then declare them to the world for accountability’s sake. So, here goes.

1. I am going to read at least three works of classical literature this summer. Maybe I’ll start with Little Women (sorry Beth).

2. I’m going to enjoy Chicago to its fullest this summer. Plays, parks, Taste of Chicago, baseball, concerts. You name the day and I am in!!

3. I am going back to Texas for a while. I miss my family and friends and my sister is having a baby soon. I want to be there to help out. and in Texas I can get to know myself again.

4. I am going to law school (don't know where yet). But I was born to argue and defend the oppressed. Anyway, everyone I’ve mentioned this to so far has eagerly affirmed this decision, so I feel I am moving in the right direction. I’m going to specialize in international law/human rights and spend the rest of my life trying to make a difference. We’ll see.

I think that’s enough for now. That should keep me busy for the next two or six years!!

3:15 PM

becoming an -ism

Posted by jenn |

Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts. – Soren Kierkegaard

maybe I’ll just start typing and hope my dominant thoughts catch up with me…

Do you ever wonder what aliens might think about us…if there were such things as aliens…which I’m not saying I believe…or don’t believe? I think they might look through our history books, People magazines, law reviews and TV Guide and come to the conclusion that we are a society of extremists. History would have us believe that every important person who ever lived disagreed completely with at least one other person/country/government about what was important in life and both of them found it absolutely impossible to reconcile their views on social action or the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s as if no one has ever been able to live peacefully with the tension of two possible solutions to one dilemma, two practicable answers to one question.

Post-modern Christians are unafraid to represent the undecided majority of history. We don’t have to draw lines in the sand, puff out our chests and dare the opposition to disagree with us about the best color to paint the nursery or the exact and final meaning of the word “elect”. We entirely embrace history for what it can teach us about God and self, but we reject the practice of prescribing historical methodology to contemporary situations like trying to fit square pegs into round holes!!!

And so I’m left with little more than good principles to follow, making my own stumbling-tripping-falling way through this weird life.

But, strangely, I’m okay with that.

10:28 AM

sola gratia

Posted by jenn |

After spending the better part of the weekend trying to cram all I believe about God, Jesus, and theology into 9 neatly typed pages of doctrinal statements, I am feeling tired and confused. I feel like I should grow from this experience, but all they’re really asking me to do is some basic proof-texting so I can make a theological point about what the Bible says about salvation, angels, and the apocalypse…

This does not make me feel like I have a good handle on things…Instead, I’m once again filled with doubt and questions I can’t ask, let alone answer.

It all seems so final, so absolute, to put on paper my thoughts about God and to declare to the powers that be that this is what I believe. It is almost too much (I’m so dramatic, I know), but I can’t help thinking that no one should be asked to do this. And more so, because I worry about the people who can easily rattle off a pristine answer to these deep theological, spiritual and completely personal questions.

I believe God’s grace is sufficient, even for my endless doubts and stupid, nonsensical questions. That’s what makes me feel like I don’t have to have all the answers, and I really don’t appreciate the value of being forced to come up with the answers I have not yet discovered.

Obviously, I have commitment issues…obviously, I’m too critical…and obviously, I am rebellious and I don’t like being forced to do anything, but as I grow to understand how relational God really is, it becomes more and more difficult for me to use typical Christian verbiage to describe or explain Him. All the theological terms and overused clichés seem trite and not enough. I want to learn to think and speak more holistically about faith in God, not by rejecting any essential truth, but by being deeply committed to real, organic spiritual understanding and transformation.

I guess this is what emergence is…feeling like you’re on the verge of something new and more tangible than the old way of doing things and thinking about things…not necessarily better, just more actual…it’s the ability to rest in the grace of God

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