I can’t really get out what’s in my head today. I keep typing and deleting and typing and deleting…
My world has slowed down to a crawl while everyone else’s seems to be moving steadily or speedily toward ends possibly worth reaching. I have grand plans, make no mistake about that…I always have grand plans to change the world and right the wrongs…they never amount to much though because I’m not enough of something (ambitious, driven, disciplined – it’s one of those harsh sounding words that make you think of politicians, militants, or Martha Stewart).
But at least I can say unabashedly that I feel called to serve God wherever and whenever He says go. Maybe it isn’t so much a “calling” as it is an intense pressure in my spirit that will not allow me to pursue anything else whole-heartedly. He knows me, knows that I need to be passionate about things in order to be useful...what am I saying? He created me! It’s not in my nature to be hands-off about issues that are close to my heart…I like to be involved or at least feel like I am.
What I think is rubbish is Christians who pat me on the back in a patronizing way and, with a sympathetic smile, attempt to deflect their own lack of conviction about the need for social justice by saying, “Wow, I think it’s awesome that you feel “called” to that.” This implies, of course, that they do not feel “called” to that and that they don’t really want me to try to persuade them to care about issues to which they do not feel “called” to respond. In that trite response, what they’re really saying is, “Wow, that sounds weighty and difficult! I’m so glad you’re going to do that and not me. I’m so glad I’m called to live in a nice house, have a nice family, go to a nice church on Sundays, and have a super-spiritual relationship with God that is the envy of everyone in my small group.”
[This is the part where I start to feel despondent and pessimistic about the church; and/or I try to intervene on the Holy Spirit’s behalf and convict people of their sinful ways, demanding repentance and immediate action. That never really works.]
I do trust God. I believe the Spirit convicts people and motivates them to act. But isn’t there also a time to speak up? To declare that our lack of compassion is an abomination to the Lord and that we should turn from our wicked ways? Or is that only for non-dispensational minded churches?
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about me
i'm jenn. i'm 30 years old and still trying to figure out what i want to be when i grow up. i'm open to suggestions...
3 comments:
Firstly- I really like the new look. Mm, hubba, hubba.
I have been doing much reading…re-reading don and some of his thoughts on bringing the kingdom. I like what you said. I fear though we are disillusioned to quickly with the Church and ourselves. Like Jesus restoring Peter we should ere on the side of hope rather than hopelessness. Yes I believe a passionate heart is more an indictment on the way others aren’t living rather than a rare example of how to live. And yes I do believe the church has lost its prophetic voice to rebuke its people from a state of idleness to becoming an unstoppable force. I do think that we fill our lives with so much shit and personal crap that the things close to the heart of God fall secondary to so many trivial things like paying our gas bill or getting in on the Saturday sale at Marshall Fields. And instead of longing to be equipped for warfare we long to be equipped to live a the sanctified version of the American dream….aaaggghhh. I gotta stop. See you got me all fired up. Okay. I’m done.
about the new look...the weather refuses to change, but I was desperate for something different.
as for the rest...i think you've uncovered the deep, dark secret of mainline evangelicalism: at the heart level, we think God exists for us...
This way of thinking is deceptive, I think, because it can cause a person to begin trusting in acts of righteousness rather than in a relational God. So maybe it's not just about believing the right things about God...but allowing those right things to transform us and call us back to awe and reverence to the king we serve...it is bringing the kingdom now
It's good reading both your comments. Not a pat on the back at all - rather I feel like a short kid trying to jump up to be the same sort of height when it comes to this understanding of the church and the reality of God and our lives. I'm sure it is a given concern for both of you - and it's with purpose of the kingdom. So neccessary to pursue - merely becuase the passion is God given. The out workings of gifting, passion and following Jesus are unfindable with our eyes, but not with the King's.
My life is full of rubbish - in the outside world and often in my soul, but the
Spirit of God is alive within me, and any sacrafice or worship is fruit of His work. I'm so full of myself - and God knows it, but I am His! I'll follow and I'll follow and I'll fail and follow. Everything else can be washed away, if I hear His voice I might need to repent, but I'll always run to Him. I feel like Peter with brash words of committment - but I know that God is refining me in one way or another. I feel self absorbed but I know God's given me a heart for the world. It's revival that's needed - only through the work of the Holy Spirit - we are all useless otherwise.
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