some thoughts on liking, loving, and letting go…
Chapter One: Growing Pains
A long time ago in a far away land, I had very strong feelings of a romantic nature for a man in my acquaintance. Now, while I was assured that he really enjoyed being my friend, the romantic interest was not reciprocated. This experience left me deeply troubled and hurt. I determined that I should not have felt that way about him, because he did not feel that way about me.
It is because I very wrongly associate pain, particularly emotional pain, with sin. If I am hurting then it is because God is punishing me or because I have made some mistake in judgment and brought pain on myself. I should have known better. I should not have gotten myself in this mess. I should not have felt that way…I should not feel…
My friend Allan the Cynic says: “People want warranties and guaranties. They want to see the end product before they make the purchase. They want the euphoric feelings of “new” to last forever.”
I agree, but I do not think that is all there is to it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something to be good and stay good for a long time, maybe forever. The wrongness is turning your back on that something (or someone) when it is no longer what it was when you started wanting it.
Love is not the stuff of romance or pleasant feelings. Those things represent longing, not necessarily love. And longing is a agonizing uphill climb toward an end you'll never reach...Trying to hold our hopes and desires in tension with the possibility of them never coming true is what really wears us out.
Love is something entirely different. It is a choice. It is a purely inanimate object and we are not subject to it. We have a will strong enough to resist its taunts and intelligence enough to embrace its delights. Those who imagine a grander picture of human, romantic love will be sadly disappointed. It is possible to have a romantic relationship that never once involves LOVE.
…to be continued…
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about me
i'm jenn. i'm 30 years old and still trying to figure out what i want to be when i grow up. i'm open to suggestions...
1 comments:
mmm... tis true. Here is a long quote you might enjoy.
"And another thing. Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love" , which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew toward each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two. But sometimes the petals fall away and the roots have not entwined. Imagine giving up your home and your people, only to discover after six months, a year, three years, that the trees have had no roots and have fallen over. Imagine the desolation. Imagine the imprisonment..."
(Captain Corelli’s Mandolin pp 281-82. By Louis de Bernieres.)
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