chasing the sun

I am loving the 16th century Latin mottoes. I found a web page full of them…

I have always (ALWAYS) clung to the understanding that I am a “be-er” by nature and not a “do-er”! What I mean is that I am much better at learning about things than I am at actually doing them. I think I’ve probably mentioned this a time or two right here in the blog, but the truth of it has been resounding in my brain for the past few months.

And I have been satisfied with this constant state of learning and expanding my knowledge for the sake of making me a better human, Christian, guitar player, or whatever. Lately, though, I have been challenged to put my knowledge to the test and to really do something about the evils and injustices in the world which I can define and describe, but have yet to tackle. And, do you know, I don’t think I really like it.

It’s hard to put your money, time and energy where your mouth is. It sucks and no one knows how the right way is to do it so there’s no book I can read or class I can take that can tell you in what order the steps have to go. There is no right way…and I have never felt so helpless in my life. I never knew how much I depended on structure to show off my gifts and abilities. In a structured environment, I thrive, but in a place where I have to create my own infrastructure? Forget it.

I make mistakes…big ones…and I am a disappointment to my colleagues. I lose heart and will to act because I don’t know what the next step is supposed to be. Why, oh why, hasn’t someone written this crap down? I’ll tell you why, because they are all doers, that’s why. They’re so busy doing life and ministry, that they’ve got no time to sit and write a step-by-step manual for me.

Alas, I am left to my own intelligence and creativity (which is being severely hampered by the damn Chicago frickin’ freezing winter weather).