chasing the sun

I don’t often take taxis. They’re expensive; and I am, after all, a poor grad student. Not to mention, I got one of those 30-day CTA passes for free and I feel compelled to use it like crazy since they’re normally $75. But, at the insistence of a friend (because it was after midnight), I hailed a cab instead of waiting for the bus. What followed was one of the most interesting conversations I’ve had in a long time.

The driver, Mike is his name, started asking me all kinds of questions almost immediately. Do I like Chicago? What do I do? Where am I from? The conversation soon turned to politics and he was surprised to hear that I was from Texas but not a Republican. When I told him I was a Bible college student, he got excited and started asking some very practical moral questions as if I was the standard of truth he’d been searching for, the one who would validate his moral decisions. When we finally arrived at my apartment, he turned the meter off and we talked for about 20 more minutes.

Mike is a friendly sort of chap of undetermined origins who has pert opinions concerning minorities who have too many children. I listened thoughtfully, hoping maybe I would have a chance to sneak in something about systemic oppression and its long-term affects on the poor, disenfranchised and marginalized in our society (mental note: that’s a great topic for my dissertation).

Anyway, I think I left the cab with more questions than answers, but what I did come away with only made sense to me the following day when I was reading about Soren Kierkegaard for a Church History assignment. I wondered why, with all my years of schooling and theological education, I had no convincing response to Mike’s doubts about the nature of life and truth. Kierkegaard strongly believed that the only way we can endure this existence, which more often than not is painful and difficult, is by faith. To quote from the book I’m reading:

“To Kierkegaard, faith is not a mental conviction about doctrine, nor positive religious feelings, but a passionate commitment to God in the face of uncertainty. Faith is a risk (the “leap of faith”), an adventure that requires the denial of oneself. To choose faith is what brings authentic human existence.”

Truth is truth, but it is faith which helps us understand just how true truth is…a choice to believe that something exists outside of ourselves that we cannot see or understand fully, but yet are mysteriously drawn to in a very real way. In other words, you aren’t really living until you choose to believe in something outside yourself. This brings your whole self into full focus, your reality becomes tangible.

For folks like Mike, accepting blanket truth is difficult because no one has bothered to explain faith to them. Who could tackle such an assignment…other than the author of Hebrews, of course? [“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Heb 11:1)] Realism is not true realism without acknowledging the existence of something other, isn’t that strange? Christians may stand on truth, but in the end, that’s just the law if it is not presented with an understanding that faith and not simple self-discipline enables us to believe the truth.

Heretical? Maybe…Cryptic? Definitely…but I love Kierkegaard’s beautiful prayer,

“Teach me, O God, not to torture myself, not to make a martyr out of myself through stifling reflection, but rather teach me to breath deeply in faith.”

Mike said he thought I was a nice person and a “good Christian” (not sure what he meant by that). He very graciously shaved two dollars off my fare and refused the tip I offered him. And he only gave me one bit of advice before I got out of his cab…”Jenn, you should get married!!”
Thanks, Mike!